How do you tell if someone is single?
Most people first look for a wedding band on the left hand. (That flash of metal is like a laser beam to my eye — especially on a super smoking hot guy.) Some people try to feel out the other person’s vibe. Still others try to analyze said subject’s actions.
“Is she looking my way because I’m sexy or because I’m carrying a single roll of toilet paper and package of cottage cheese?”
Although most of my guys friends prefer supermarkets to look for – and look good for – date-able material, it’s actually way easier to spot an available girl on Facebook — even if she doesn’t have a relationship status listed. The key is looking at her photos.
Facebook affords us the extra time to analyze people’s faces and… You don’t have that kind of luxury when you’re passing by her in the dairy aisle. (It’s freezing in that section and the last aisle for shoppers to hit up so when you see her, chances are high that she’s beating it out of there to make it home before Glee starts.)
Here are some glues a girl is (recently) single from her Facebook photos:
Clue #1. All her old photo albums with her and her BF are gone
No explanation necessary.
Clue #2. All her new photo albums are named using lyrics from pop songs, with phrases that contain the word “fun”, or have multiple combinations of exclamation marks or emoticons
“I wuz in Miami B*tCH”; “!!Fun in the Sun!!!!”; “Can’t nobody hold me down”; “Fun times 2010”; “More fun!”; “Puppy pics!”; “Lucy puppy fun pictures!! =D”
Clue #3. She has loads of photos of her and her guy friends
It means she’s out having fun on a weeknight with her coworkers. It means she’s completely carefree about who sees her doing what and with whom because there’s no one to check in on her or make her feel bad for having guy friends. It means she’s totally trying to get back at her ex to make him realize what a dumbass he is for dumping her. Ergo and regardless of the underlying reasons, the recently single girl posts up a million pictures of her recent escapades at bars/clubs/school functions/charity-events that-she-helped-run-because-of-all-her-newly-freed-up-time to send those messages loud and clear.
Clue #4. She has loads of photos of her and her girlfriends
The girl who has way too many photos of her and her girlfriends could be going through a couple of phases: “Men are the worst! I hate them all”; “I don’t need a man. I am an independent wo-MAN”; “I am on a man diet”; “I am currently asexual”; “I am currently exploring bisexuality”; “I am currently exploring being a lesbian”. Clearly, in order to determine exactly which phase she is in, you will need to analyze the number of photos where she’s pretending to kiss another girl versus the number of photos in which she’s actually making out with another girl. You’ll also need to count the number of different hot dresses she’s wearing (never a repeat outfit, it’s TRUE) and how far she sticks her ass out in those photos. You know that pose? Yeah, you know that SIDE-VIEW-twist-and-stick-out-suck-in-stick-out pose.
Clue #5. She looks like a robot because she has the same fake smile in all of her recently uploaded and/or tagged photos
If you’re her friend or her online stalker you know how she usually smiles or poses in her pictures. If for some time you haven’t seen her around on Facebook or she’s been lacking in the updates department, but then she comes back one day and there’s like nine new photos of her up on a single day? Pay close attention to her poses and smile. Does she look thinner? Has she changed her makeup? Does her face look EXACTLY THE SAME in every photo? S-i-N-g-L-e!
The general rule of thumb here is that any break from her normal photo patterns is an indication of a change in her personal life. If she’s between the ages of 20-29, chances are that change is in the relationship department.
So that’s it. Those are the five clues. Next register, please. This one is closed. I just turned off my light.
Got any more clues that a girl is single? Send them my way. I’m especially interested in reading more fun! names of albums. 😉 😀 🙂